Genuine Insights

How to Listen with Your Heart

Nature provides us with the ability to hear with our ears, and our minds help us to do something with what we hear—that’s the difference between hearing and listening. There’s another level of listening that goes beyond that process, though. I call it listening from the heart.

Throughout our daily lives, lessons appear to us in a multitude of forms and many of us miss out because we don’t know how to listen from the heart. This type of listening calls on your intuition, and asks you to be an observer and student of your environment, relationships, and experiences. It requires an interesting mix of focus and giving yourself over to whatever is happening, and the result is subtle but powerful kind of self-discovery and personal growth.

I recently decided to experiment by spending more time in this state of observation rather than in my usual activation mode, and the impact on my personal development and growth has been remarkable. Not only am I enjoying new insights about my own life and work I also am experiencing resurgence in my creative sensibilities.

In fact, the quieter I get, the more I listen. And the more I listen, the more I learn. And of course, the more I learn, the more I create and the richer my perspectives and ideas become. It’s as if the teacher in me has decided to enjoy being a student of life again and it all started by listening from my heart instead of my rational mind. Here’s how it works:

Start with empathy
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. When you begin to actively listen to others and the world around you from a state of empathy your own self-awareness and knowledge increases. This direct connection with the heart is a much better listening approach than the rational mindful approach, which usually comes from a place of judgment.

Allow yourself to listen to your experiences with no motive. Instead of leading with your existing impressions or a sense of how something impacts you, try instead to listen from the other person’s perspective. With time, this empathetic approach expands your ability to listen from the heart and will transform the way you take in information.

Learn to be quiet in conversation
Conversation sometimes feels like a tennis match, the back and forth, and the way you look ahead to your next move in order to stay ahead. Next time you find yourself in one of these athletic conversations, try putting your ego in your back pocket and be quiet. Don’t jump to engage at every turn; let the other person lead and determine the course and rhythm of the conversation. When you learn to be comfortable in silence in a conversation, you will see how different your takeaway becomes and your connection to the person deepens.

Listening to others from the heart doesn’t only mean listening to words; it means listening to their energy, emotions, and body language. It’s a kind of heart-to-heart listening that elevates the experience of conversation.

Spend time with animals
I recently spent a day with an amazing horse whisperer named John Duperry and his two beautiful horses, Merlot and Hunter and learned more about listening from the heart than from any other experience or book I have read.

Animals are master heart-listeners and can read your emotions and feelings more than humans can. Spend enough time with animals with this in mind and you’ll get better at listening from the heart in spite of yourself! Think about your own pets, of course, but also consider volunteering at an animal shelter, pet-sitting for a neighbor, or even visiting a farm to engage with other kinds of animals. Let them teach you.

Meditate
There is a great deal of wisdom that already exists inside each of us that we can access through mediation. Think of meditation as ongoing training for listening from the heart. Use the quiet time to still the mind and fuel your spiritual gifts. Self-discovery, intellectual advancement, and the ability to grow your innate genius can be enhanced by meditation.

Allow your heart to reveal your true nature
One’s true self is raw, fragile, and filled with vulnerability yet most of us hide that self behind big egos, trying to protect ourselves from ourselves in a way. While this self-preservation is understandable, it’s not sustainable over the long haul.

I was reminded of this fact just this morning when a wise taxi driver told me “Never fight nature.” At first I thought he was referring to the rain outside but he continued to share that in life we must embrace our true selves and accept our natures.

Teachers are not always scholarly old men with white beards and pocket protectors. Sometimes our greatest teachers come in small packages, like the hummingbird that comes to my kitchen window, slowing down his flutter as if to say, “Put down that sponge and enjoy my dance.”

I hope this has inspired you to quiet your mind and listen with your heart; you can’t know what you’ve been missing until you give this a try!

Posted Mar 6, 2013 Tagged under: inspiration, motivation, reflection, self-awareness

2013—The Year of the Dreamer

As we contemplate 2013 with hope and ambition, let’s let go of the resolutions and instead look upon 2013 as a dreamer looks upon the universe—with questioning eyes, an open heart, and the burning will to create and work towards something truly meaningful.

The dreamer doesn’t create lists of what she won’t do; she creates a vision of what she will do, regardless of the external barriers. She sets out to create an impact and does so for no other reason than passion itself.

This year instead of trying to stick to a not-so-effective annual list of resolutions, set out to fuel your own burning curiosities as all dreamers do and begin the year on a quest to stand for something greater than yourself. Hush the voice in your head that causes you to doubt yourself or think you can’t do something. Every time that voice returns and tries to divert you from your dreamer path, think of these three things:

1. Every successful dreamer is a successful doer. There isn’t an inventor, trailblazing entrepreneur, scientist, or change agent who has moved a dream from vision to reality without a whole lot of kickass hard work and lots of just plain doing. Some believe it takes luck, but I believe it takes painstaking hard work. One is helpless without the other, so get ready to really hit it hard. I promise it will be worth it.

2. Dreamers are also followers. When we think of some of the world’s most famous dreamers, we envision natural born leaders who stand alone and come before all others. In reality most dreamers are actually exceptional followers who build upon the great ideas of others, enhancing and taking ideas further, deeper or to the next level. You don’t have to be “first to market” with your dream to be an extradinary dreamer but you do have to be committed to achieving it no matter what.

In fact, being the first follower of an extradinary idea is its own kind of great leadership. This notion is amusingly expressed in one of my all time favorite TED talks, “How to start a movement,” by Derek Sivers, who sheds light on the fact that the first follower is actually an underestimated form of leadership in itself.

3. Time is everything. Time is our most valuable natural resource and when it comes to working towards a dream, many of us misuse time. This will be your greatest battle for moving your dream forward in 2013.

Whether its writing a book, starting an NGO in India, or launching your own business, every single dream worth working toward will take time and lots of it. Face this truth, evaluate how you manage your time, and make the changes necessary to dedicate your life to your dream.

Lastly, remember what Harriett Tubman taught us: “Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.”

Here’s to dreaming with you in 2013!

Posted Dec 31, 2012 Tagged under: goals and goal setting, inspiration, motivation, reflection

BEFORE YOU DIE

Three months ago I met a Fat Brain named Ben Nemtin on a shuttle bus heading to Lake Tahoe for a Summit Series gathering. I was pleasantly surprised by a question he asked me only seconds after sitting down beside me and introducing himself.

“So what do you want to do before you die?”

Never a fan of small talk, I smiled at this question and instead of answering, I asked him if he had an idea of what he would like to do in his lifetime.

“Well, I’ve already accomplished 80 of 100 things I want to do before I die,” he answered.

This wasn’t any ordinary fellow sitting next to me. This was a Practical Genius who had created a list of 100 mutual lifelong dreams with a group of friends, including Jonnie Penn, Dave Lingwood, and Duncan Penn. Wanting more of out life than what college was offering them, they hit the road in a rented Winnebago and began crossing items off their list and helping strangers achieve their dreams at the same time.

Their epic six-year adventure eventually landed them a show on MTV and as of today, they have completed 80 items on their list, including playing basketball with President Obama and delivering a baby. Especially exciting is their most recent accomplishment, #19 on their list: “Write a bestselling book.”

What Do You Want to Do Before You Die? published on March 27th by Artisan Books. Ben sent me a copy and I soaked it up in one sitting. It’s vibrant, hyper-visual, and is full of beautiful artwork created by Kevin Brainard. And the best part is instead of just writing about their own accomplishments, which they could easily have done, they included many chosen from tens of thousands of submission answers to the question: “What do you want to before you die?”

I cried when I read this entry: “Before I die I want to let my English teacher know that she saved my life.”

I want to ask you the same question: What do you want to do before you die?

Here’s #1 on my list: Before I die I want to positively impact the lives of a million people.

If many of us have mutual quests, dreams, and aspirations, maybe we can collaborate and accomplish them together.

What’s on your list?

Posted Apr 16, 2012 Tagged under: fat brains, goals and goal setting, motivation, reflection

Sundays with Abuela

This past week I lost the matriarch of my family and the guiding light of my life, my grandmother, Jovita Quintana, at 92. In her great honor, below are some of the important lessons I learned from our family’s shaman, with whom I spent every Sunday for 30 years.

My grandmother, my abuela, had the gift of being able to see into the near future and she also had the gift of healing. She used her gifts every day with her family and within her community across the South Bronx as a futurist, a healer, an adviser and a life coach. Some called her a witch doctor, a fortuneteller, and a spiritual master but I called her Wella, short for abuela, which is grandmother in Spanish. This is what she taught me:

1. Always walk through life with an open and forgiving heart.

She never held on to anger, resentment, or remorse and instead walked through life in a constant state of gratitude and inner peace.

2. Honor your ancestors and remember from whence you come.

She taught us to preserve our Puerto Rican heritage and culture and to walk with pride in our cultural identity.

3. Pray, meditate, and never waiver in your faith in God and his angels, who are always with us.

As a spiritualist with a third eye, she was in touch regularly with the spirit world and was a messenger with a great ability to read people, the environment, and circumstances.

4. Heal yourself before trying to heal others.

As the community healer, she maintained a healthy boundary around herself and reminded us to self-preserve if we were going to effective caring for others.

5. Success is a state of mind.

She was a big believer in “act as if” and always used to tell me: “Once you believe it, own it, and act as if it is so then will it be so.”

6. Protect your resources and save your money as if it were gold.

She saved more than she ever spent and provided for us in so many ways, which is incredible given that she was a poor woman who by saving turned pennies into quarters.

7. Create and honor rituals, which empower your mind, body, and spirit.

For example, she taught me to always offer flowers to the ocean before a swim as a thank you for nurturing our planet, which I have always done.

8. Share your stories and remember that storytelling is about teaching something new to whoever is listening.

Although she never learned to read or write, she was a master storyteller and I write about her in Practical Genius and celebrate what she taught me about storytelling.

9. The heart should always be in the driver’s seat and the brain is only a passenger.

She believed the heart was the guiding force in our lives and taught me to challenge the logical side of who I am. Today I lead from the heart and live out loud in full Technicolor because of her.

10. Helping others isn’t a nice thing to do, it’s a must thing to do.

As a servant leader, she helped hundreds maybe even thousands of people throughout her life and taught us that it is only through service that we will experience our full human potential.

Wella, I will miss you and I will forever carry forth your lessons, insights, and legacy. I know we will be reunited one day and until then I will look for you in my dreams for I know you will continue to speak with and through me.

Posted Mar 9, 2012 Tagged under: inspiration, motivation

Scratch Your Christmas List for a Genius Wish List

Every year millions of people spend a good amount of time generating their “What I want for Christmas or Hanukah” list and I have to admit to having a bit of this nasty little habit myself. This year, I’d like to shift the focus from material acquisition—what we want—to genius acquisition—who we want to be—by thinking about what I hope to learn and how I hope to grow this holiday season and in 2012.

The best way to do this is first to redefine the word “gift” as it relates to yourself and to others. Experience is one of the most important learning factors for every Practical Genius, so this year what you want to receive and what you want to give others is not a thing, it’s an experience. The secret ingredient to a transformative experience is, of course, the environment in which it takes place. So now to create a Genius Wish List that will take us to the places that will move and expand us, stretch our muscles and shed new light in our lives. Here’s how:

First, find a quiet, comfortable, “alone” place and at least 30 minutes in your busy schedule for this valuable exercise.

Second, close your eyes and visualize the specific environments where the most profound and illuminating experiences you have had have taken place. Use your journal or photo albums to remind you of these pivotal moments. These environments might include outdoor spaces, a particular building in a certain city, a museum or gallery, public spaces, a garden, a studio, cafes or restaurants, or, of course, a church, temple, mosque or other spiritual center. Try to remember these environments in as much detail as possible—the colors, the sounds and smells, the light, the textures that helped to shape the experience and deeply impress it upon you.

Third, with these environments in mind, make a list of five places that are new to you that you will visit this year, at least one of these visits taking place with family or friends during the holiday season. This will require a fun bit of research, rooting through your files of “someday” activities, Googling around online, and brainstorming with the people in your life. This isn’t a climb-Mount-Everest bucket list; it’s a very specific, very purposeful and doable list of experiences waiting to happen. You don’t have to travel far or spend a bunch of money to fulfill your Genius Wish List. Just take the time and pleasure in planning for reflective, multi-sensory experiences like others you have had before; whatever it is you choose to do, you want to feel “full,” leaving you with much to sustain and inspire you well into the future. You might even map out your List by creating a visual collage of the environments and experiences you plan to enjoy throughout the year; this will help you integrate these plans into the way you view your day-to-day life, rather than relegate them to the “when-I-have-some-free time” closet. It will also stimulate your sense memories in a highly motivating way.

Think also about ways to create a Wish List experience yourself. For example, having some of the most important growth moments of my life take place over an extraordinary meal and having also become very interested in the science of food in the last few years, my Genius Wish List for 2012 includes hosting a “molecular gastronomy” dinner party, inviting a chef, of course, but also an artist or two, a musician, a technologist, and maybe an educator—all to foster the spontaneous combustion of creativity and precision, art and science, craft and conversation.

Whatever’s on your list, though, plan for it. Get out your calendar and begin to work out the timing and logistics for each experience. If you don’t make the commitment and the necessary plans, we both know it won’t happen. The best gift you can give yourself is a year full of original, genius-feeding experiences. So make your Wish List, map it out, and share it with the people who matter to you so they know where you’re headed in the coming year. Better yet, invite them along! Genius loves company.

Making a point of having one of your Wish List experiences during the holiday season serves two purposes: First, it’s a powerful reminder that what we do is more important than what we have, that joy comes from the living of our lives, not from packages under a tree. Second, it will set the bar for the new year in a way that will make you impatient for your next Wish List experience. Yup, it’s the kind of food for your genius that never satiates, but rather fuels your hunger further. In this case, I promise, this is a good thing.

I guarantee that tossing out your Christmas list in exchange for a Genius Wish List will change the way the holidays and the whole year play out for you. Please let me know of your own extraordinary Wish List experiences as they happen this year so we can all share in the transformation they inspired. You can be sure you’ll hear about mine!

Posted Nov 29, 2011 Tagged under: goals and goal setting, inspiration, motivation, uncategorized